In an ideal scenario, sex is a manifestation of loving commitment.
How to turn your partner down for sex
We communicate our loving passion by serving one another in pleasure while opening ourselves up in vulnerability. But… there is also housework and children and work and miscarriages and emotional withdrawal and porn and all manner of trauma and day-to-day mundanity that keep us from being present enough or emotionally whole enough to able to celebrate sex as it can be. So men often become dominating and misogynistic in the bedroom or they become beggars asking for a sexual handout. And women often become manipulative and withholding of their sexuality or they become doormats. In your relationship these roles might very well be reversed, the point is, these are all expressions of the same two things: control and fear.
Which are what most of us fall back to in order to protect ourselves from pain.
These are all things to be examined in our own hearts and in our relationship. In these situations, how can you turn your partner down for sex while avoiding the emotional backlash that often comes in response? Whatever your gender, my advice is the same.
How to please your husband: 23 tips that always work
For many men, sex is the primary means of communicating love. But you do love him! That makes sex a higher-stakes exercise for him or her than it needs to be, because it may be the only way his heart knows to receive your love.
The reason it hurts to be turned down for sex is because we fear we are being personally refused loving connection.
If your partner has a history of looking at porn then there will almost certainly be some jumbled wires in this regard, but healing this is very possible though not the subject of this piece. To turn your partner down for sex, honour the connection.
Feel free to replace yourself in either scenario whatever your gender. Wives, you can communicate love and care to your husband even while turning him down. And I love it.
I want you to take me. I would like to connect with you. I would like to be alone with you.
How to turn on your boyfriend or husband
Husbands, you can communicate love and care to your wife even while turning her down. I want to give you what you need. To the partner who is being turned down, it is now your responsibility to own your response to this. Your spouse is not rejecting you so you need to own your emotional state and be responsible with your heart.
Your partner wants you and is willing to put the work in to not be a sleepy sex-doll or a booty call. Should you be honest about your disappointment? With yourself, sure. This may make all the difference for you.
You may also like
You might call it meditation or prayer; basically I remind myself of how loved I am. I let my mind drift back over memories of loving actions people have shown me and I talk to myself about how much I love myself. I own my love need. After a few minutes of quietly being present to myself I usually feel that my love need is ificantly improved. After a month of doing this daily I feel an amazing sense of emotional cohesion which has reduced the sense that all my needs must be met through sex.
Does it still sting when I get turned down? Of course it does, I want the candy now, dammit. But working together we can maintain connection, build anticipation and grow as individuals. In an ideal scenario, sex is a manifestation of loving commitment, but housework, children, jobs, miscarriages, emotional withdrawal and porn all keep us from celebrating sex as it can be.
Many women I talk to tell me they married expecting a best friend, a confidant, a spiritual warrior, and a cuddle-bunny, all rolled into one. Many men I talk to tell me they were expecting a Godly but nymphomaniac sex vixen, the "righteous fox" promised by youth pastors, who would validate them at every turn and support all their crazy dreams.
It seems that most of us were sold a bill of goods that didn't quite match up with our expectations. My wife and I travel in different circles, and are usually headed in different directions. She is a natural planner and strategizer, I am naturally empathic and sensitive. I feel first, she plans first. I work in a Christian ministry, she works at a University.
What should you know about exciting your man?
When we got married, Maija was already working the plan for her life. Cart 0.
Back Subscribe Media Testimonials Contact. How to turn your husband down for sex. Related Posts. When you don't like who you married.
Sailboats and Marriage and Self Sacrifice. Jonathan Puddle March 11, marriagerelationshipssex 3 Comments. Jonathan Puddle March 18, intentionality, purpose, community, passion. Jonathan Puddle March 4, parenting, discipline, privileges.