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I know what you're thinking. We don't know him.
Only you know the real him. He only shows his tender side to you, because you worked so hard to get close to him and you're special and he really, really loves you. It was the guy's fault for "continuing" to hit on your after your made it clear he wasn't interested or so your says, and a who is trying to get out of jail time would never lie would he?
The truth is you're in a tale, and this one has a bad, bad ending. At the very best, you can to spend the rest of your life with a with the impulse control of a year old. At the worst you're dead. In between he gives you all kinds of STD's, he smacks you around, he takes away who you are, h cheats on you and deprives you of affection, he kills your personality and leaves you a shell, he kills your self-confidence and leaves you a ghost person Which one of thse sounds like the future you want?
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In reality, you can't have both women. If you want to choose your paramour, you CAN. It is an option, albeit a messy one. Truth is you - have dodged a bullet. Evidently, you don't know the misery that would be unleashed if your wife and found out. Misery for them but also for you.