This question is posed on every swinger networking site and is crucial information for couples seeking other partners for play. First, we should go over some definitions. There is a common misconception among new swingers as seen on Separate room swap misinformed message boards and chat rooms that soft swapping simply means same room sex, where each couple has sex only with their own partner while occupying the same room, or that soft swapping only means female-female play.
This is not the case. Soft swapping can encompass a wide range of activities, from kissing, to fondling and for some couples, even oral sex with one or more people outside the couple. Simply put, soft swapping means that there is no actual penetration with outside people. There are advantages and disadvantages to both and there is no one right answer for every couple. The fact is that no matter how sexually open and sex positive you and your partner may be, there will always be lines one or both of you are not comfortable crossing.
Whether it is fear of unwanted pregnancy or simply a desire to keep something special that is only for you and your partner to do together, there are many reasons why couples may choose not be full swap, especially in their early days in the lifestyle.
The date night: a couple's first time to separate room swap!
For many couples, the idea of their partner kissing and playing with another man or woman is totally erotic, but the idea of their partner having actual intercourse with someone else raises some internal red flag. If this is the case, then soft swapping is an ideal solution.
Even once you have established that you only want to soft swap with other couples, it is still important to establish ground rules even within non-intercourse play. Some couples prefer not to kiss others on the mouth. Some draw the line at petting and are not interested in oral sex. Whatever your comfort level, the most important thing is that you and your partner be honest with each other. Nothing ruins a fun night of swinging like hurt feelings or jealousy.
The date night: a couple’s first time to separate room swap!
Simply put, the advantages of soft swap are many, including a decreased chance of unwanted pregnancy, a slightly decreased chance of disease, and a possibly decreased chance of jealousy. The limits of soft swap can be more or less of a disadvantage depending on what you and your partner are looking for in the swinging world. On occasion, just saying that you as a couple are only interested in soft swap can dramatically decrease the other couples who will be interested Separate room swap playing with you.
The greatest advantage of full swap is…SEX! Again, it sounds like a simple difference, but it can be huge if having sex with other partners is something you want. While it can seem scary at first, and a little fear can be both healthy and fun, full swap opens up the swinging world to a larger of possibilities and increases the likelihood of meeting other sexually open partners.
There are a few things that have to be considered before anyone endeavors to full swap. The first, and probably most important, is the way full swap will impact the relationship between you and your partner. The emotional impact of full swap will be different for every couple. Especially for new swingers, full swap can bring certain baggage with it.
If this is the case for you or your partner, the most important thing is to take it slow, communicate and examine exactly what it is that you and your partner really want. We wanted to take it slow. Gradually, as we lightly played with other people and indulged in both watching and being watched, we began talking about the idea of actually fucking other people.
We were both a little surprised when it turned out that we both really liked the idea of having sex with other people and Separate room swap both were really turned on by the thought of watching the other have sex with someone else. From that point on, full swap was not a necessity for a fun night, but was definitely on the table. A second consideration in full swap is birth control. Within a monogamous couple, it is fairly simple to greatly reduce the chances of unwanted pregnancy.
When new partners are introduced, the risks of pregnancy may increase. Similarly, everyone involved should be aware of the risks of sexually transmitted disease and infection. Just as you would use a condom with a new partner when dating, condoms are a must when full swapping with a new couple.
Even full swap partners may have rules or boundaries that they choose to stick to and it is important to talk about these boundaries before playing- every time. Like everything in the lifestyle, good communication should be priority one. Swinging is about having fun and embracing our positive sexual desires. This can only happen when you and your partner are being completely open and honest with one another.
Ultimately, whether you and your partner decide to be full swap, soft swap, or both, the most important thing is that both of you feel comfortable with everything that goes on. Beyond that, always be safe and above all, have fun! There are so many good points in this article—not only about soft swap vs. I would consider this required reading for anyone thinking of entering the lifestyle.
For Dawn and I, soft swap seems more likely—at least at first.
It's not necessarily about tokenization or rules, but more a question of comfort and boundaries. We are fully aware that both comfort levels and boundaries can fluctuate from encounter to encounter, and perhaps even during an encounter.
I take the attitude of "let's see how we feel about this couple", easing in to more intimate activities as comfort increases. Maintaining an open channel of communication is vital to navigating those quirky waters successfully, which is why we make a bigger deal about the difference between same-room vs.
The information is very helpful. Can anyone give some advice on a good site to ? We are getting into the lifestyle and are unsure what to .
Both are We getting started too. My girl likes girl. I enjoy watching them maybe finger fuck the other chic…. My wife and I started dating this other couple we met on other website. We are open an honest with what we wanted, and so far things have progressed well. Along with the physical adult play, there is a lot of group texts that go back and forth. In the last week however, the husband of the other couple has been more aggressive with my wife—both in texts and in the bedroom.
The other night, when the four of us had just gotten back from an evening out, I ran to my car put something away. I found out about it later after we had left for the night. My issue is my wife seems to enjoy the though of that as well—as in HIM doing that to her. Women are to be protected and genitally touched—never harmed. I have to admit, that kinda of hurt, as I was going out of my comfort zone both in my forcefulness and PDA. In our texts to the other couple, the conversation ALWAYS turns to sex—one of the other three people bring it up, I purposefully do not.
What I find troubling is that my wife will always give one of them—mostly her—a compliment. I try and chime in—mostly about something none sexual—but it always reverts back Separate room swap sex after awhile. If I have to fish for it, it cheapens it. I compliment her everyday, telling her I love her and she looks nice—something along those lines—everyday.
A couple’s first time to separate room swap!
SoCalJay, I think you are looking at this from the way wrong perspective. You are trying to compare apples and oranges. The more contrast between what your wife knows and has experience with, the higher the desire factor. You are safe and comfortable. Wives want safe and secure when it comes to settling down and living out a long-term committed relationship. But when you swing, this is a departure form regular life.
When you guys swing, she is sexually liberated or at least feeling that it gives her the opportunity to temporarily step out of what is safe and comfortable and known. You have one of 2 choices; either be led and let the more dominate male run the show, and believe me both women will follow him, or realize this for what it is -a chance for you to allow your wife to explore her desires- and take her hand and lead the way.
No body likes eating cake everyday, no matter how great it tastes.
Her sex life with you is still what connects her to the stable, safe comfortable life that she will want and need to return back to. Your relationship with her is the grounding factor in your day-to-day lives.
The occasional deviation can help develop an appreciation for that daily life the same way that coming back from a trip, no matter how exciting it was, you always sigh relief to know you are back home in familiar and safe territory. Pay attention to your wife;s wants and needs without comparing her reaction to his style to yours.
But you do need to be assertive, and stay involved, or you will get pushed out and that could mean even bigger trouble. She married you. She is still with you. Experience this with her and keep things in perspective and you will be fine. You may need to grow a pair if you wish to go further.
You should be insecure.