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By the turn of the 20th century, there were many professional women musicians working in Britain, as singers, instrumentalists, composers, teachers and writers on music. But many of these women were still fighting against a refusal to believe that as women it was appropriate, or even possible, for them to play in a professional symphony orchestra or compose a large-scale, complex work, such as a symphony.

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Nonsmoker, nondrinker. Reply as soon as possible. Welcome to one of the top hot spots of the unhitched set: personalthe dating equivalent of mail-order catalogs. Just sit back and peruse the newspaper, then dial a and hear the person further describe himself or herself. Leave a message if you want. Any time, night or day. Feel free to ask the most personal questions. Are you interested in marriage? Why did your last relationship break up? Were you ever in prison? Karen, a year-old professional, sometimes scoffed at caution.

And a charming lawyer who turned out to have been disbarred and imprisoned for defrauding numerous clients.

She spent some time in a relationship with a Canadian con man. And there was a series of just plain nice guys, one of whom ultimately introduced her to her husband. Does Karen regret all those oddball experiences? But every time I felt lonely, I could pick up the Reader and there were hundreds of guys to meet, just a phone call away.

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In the real world, the often spell success. Estimates are that, nationwide, more than 10, marriages a year result from personal. The Reader prints about weekly. Though there are reportedly four women to every three men in San Diego, male ad writers out females two to one.

Most are white, predominantly in the to age range. Over at the Union-Tribune, the twice-weekly Possibilities section runs about 1, per issue. After all, the census reported an all-time high of unmarried adults. Half of all adults—nearly 78 million people in the United States—are single.

This translates into By most reports, San Diego is a great place to be single. However, there are many, many ways to beat the solitaire blues. There are still plenty of individual matchmakers in business, but the big boys are taking over.

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These range from national organizations, such as Great Expectations and Together Dating Service, to statewide match-up specialists like Debra Winkler Personal Search, to local services you find in the s of publications such as Single Magazine, like Hello! Great Expectations, with 44 chapters nationwide, has about 3, members in San Diego. I just laughed. Ultimately, they gave us two-for-one at a discount rate, and they financed it. It was almost like a part-time job.

Some were high quality, some were not.

It seems to be true that men pay more for dating services. With the guys, they really try to get you. Part of the questionnaire for matching you up is your salary range. One percent of your salary?

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Two percent? Then they hit you with a whopping membership fee and a monthly fee. Valenti caters to a clientele with cachet.

The variation in fee depends on how stringent your criteria are regarding occupation, financial status, geographic location, position in life, and so on. But some people have a problem with matchmakers, the personals and dating services: They miss the explosive heat and headiness of a chemical reaction in a first encounter.

And nowhere do pheromones flow more freely than in bars. Talking to a bevy of young beauties, twentysomething graduate students at SDSU, the hot bar and club names come fast and furiously. All agree that downtown is the place to go, something new for San Diego.

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But be wary; some barflies prey on the unsuspecting. Denise, 42, a beautiful Asian woman, met a man in a bar who told her fantastic stories about working for Paramount Pictures, owning three condos and four cars. If I were grounded, less desperate, less needy about wanting to fall in love with Mr. The moral of the story is: If it seems too good to be true, it usually is. Go out and pursue activities you enjoy anyway.

Single Magazine lists literally hundreds of specialty clubs specifically for singles. There are all manner of sports-oriented groups, from the wide-spectrum Athletic Singles Association to groups that focus on golf, skiing, tennis, volleyball, snorkeling, rock climbing, river rafting, paragliding and on and on. Kate, 36, met her last boyfriend at a reptile convention. At certain singles events, many women probably think they are at a reptile convention, but Kate is genuinely interested in snakes the cold-blooded, cylindrical kind.

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Special-interest groups for singles can be generic and nonsectarian, or religious in orientation. When Linda Ballard was 45, her husband of 26 years died. From the minute Wally walked through the door, I thought he was the nicest man in the world.

After two months, he asked me to marry him.

We both believe God intervened and brought us together. Commonalities are natural in specialty groups.

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But sometimes you can count on a comrade to see beyond the surface to some similarity under the skin. An awful lot of people still think fix-ups from friends are the best way to connect with new people.

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There was surprisingly little talk of meeting fellow travelers on the electronic superhighway. But a recent attempt to get into several of the chat rooms on America Online Romance Connection, The Flirts Nook, Single Again, themeetingplace found all of them full at the time. Patience allowed for a voyeuristic party-line experience, with callers from all over the country. The problems of finding the matchless match transcend sexual orientation. Brett Kelly, 33, has met a few guys through computer bulletin boards such as Andros.

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Unfortunately, the majority of gays seem to meet in bars. Then there are pool bars like Shooters and s. I have a picture of my partner on my desk at work, where we met. I never dreamed I could do that.

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The gay newspapers such as Update and the Gay and Lesbian Times feature personal as well as other gay-lesbian-bi hotlines and fantasy lines, and the Union-Tribune has a generic section called Seeking Just a Friend, which is loaded with gay. Gay or straight, one always hears stories about meeting people in the least likely places.

Penny, 29, a young healthcare professional, met a guy standing next to a gorgeous vehicle in a car wash. Carol Kear, 65, met her new husband in her own house. Seniors are searching, too. You just have to find the right meeting ground.

Choose your weapon, then go forth and enter the fray: Kiss frogs and slay dragons. Edit Close. Toggle Menu. Today's events.

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